We were told that our tita is having multiple organ failure and she will only have 2 days left to live. She's been taken off sedation and has showed signs of "knowing" we are there. She had tears in her eyes, according to her brother. My uncle and their sons have decided not to pursue the scheduled dialysis because it will only prolong her suffering. It's all a bit surreal for me right now and I can't sleep thinking of my tita. She sent me this picture of her after she lost her hair from chemo. She wanted to have a "decent" picture of herself in the photobook I was making for my nanay Eva's 80th birthday. However, tita had sent the picture too late because I had already published the photobook.
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"Decent"? I say it's a real pretty picture, like you said kanina, te. It's a shame she sent it a tad bit late for the photo album for nanay.
I found it emotional when I went into her room at the hospital earlier. I wanted to tell her that I still am pursuing to be a doctor like I've told her a couple months ago. I wanted her to respond to it, but I couldn't talk to her without trembling; I knew I would tear quite a bit had I begun to talk. A couple months ago, she joked around with me when I told her that I was going to be a doctor. She said: "Totoy, you're going to find a cure for cancer, I know it" . I smiled at her, and said, "Of course, tita. I know I will. With your help, I know I can do it." When I thought about that earlier when I looked at her, it was impossible to speak with her without breaking down. I just wish I mustered the courage to talk to her earlier without tears. But, I'm not going to give up on my deal with her, I'll use her by my side when I become a doctor.
Tita Dyet,
It's your soon to be doctor nephew. I know you will hear me when I come back to talk to you. I also know you will help me pursue my dreams in becoming a doctor, and the deal we made. I know that you will be helping me every step of the way. I also know that you will make ME a blanky when I have children. It's only fair, right Tita?
A few weeks ago, when I visited you in the ER, I thought to myself whether I should bring you something, and what. We did; it was food and flowers. Then it hit me, I wanted to get you a bell to add to your collection. But it'd be hard because you've bought almost all the bells there ever existed. I'm still looking around for a bell that you have not yet collected.
I wanted to tell you that I was upset at that nurse who took your watermelon 'cause he thought you'd finished with it. That jerk! Haha. You know what? I'll buy you some more of that watermelon. I saw from your excitement, that day, that the watermelon tasted very good. Of course, I got that sense, too, from tito De when he decided to take a bite of YOUR watermelon. You, naturally, slapped his hand because the fruit was THAT good. Oh, the good times, tita..
When I come back there to see you, you had better be awake, ready to talk with me about doctoring! I think I say this for the whole family that we'll always be by your side, and know that we're praying for you always. We, of course, love you. I mean, it's like what tito De said: "You're loved by everyone."
Anyways, tita, I am getting hungry. I'll be back to see you soon, ok? When I get there, you had better be up and about! Or else....I won't..bring watermelon?.. I don't know. I shall see you soon, tita Dyet!
Love and prayer always,
Bam bam
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